Congratulations to me!
I went home to Gabaldon feeling sad and blue but now I am positive that I will leave today (or tomorrow depending on the road condition) with hope and ease. Actually, I made peace with myself and the situation last night.
Okay, here's the story:
I came home feeling uneasy on the thought that I might see my monster. I went to my friend's house and she shared news about the monster. Congrats, he passed the board exam, which I have been expecting. He is very determined to be a police officer and I know he will be one. The next news is about the new girl. She's "in-too- deep" already for as stated in their stories, she has been coming home to his house and so is he. Some times, she even stay for days (like now, she's been in his house for a week now. Oh c'mon, let's be realistic here! You know what's happening…n_n). Anyway, I was really bothered by the subsequent stories about his girls even before we broke-up. It seems that my "very faithful, loyal and loving ex" is not so true at all. The truth was he has several encounters with girls even before we broke-up. He has been playing with my feelings after the break-up by not admitting he has girlfriends. He lied.
All these years, he was able to paint a very saintly picture of him, that his love for me is beyond physical appearance (well, I'm not really THAT pretty). Okay lang yan, hindi ka naman mataba. Maganda ka naman. Wag ka nang mag-aayos, magpapaligaw ka ba? I really believed him, I did. Up to the last moment, I decided I want to talk to him, ask him my million WHYs. But when I got home, my mama told me that those WHYs have a single answer: NALOKO AKO. I have been fooled. Why? MANLOLOKO SIYA. Why? Perhaps he's not interested anymore. NALOKO AKO NG MANLOLOKO.
Well, maybe at some point he loved me, but the last part is not, NALOKO NA NGA AKO EH. He will not be sorry because a MANLOLOKO will not apologize. I cannot know for now his main reason but I should let it pass. There's no use bothering myself about THAT MANLOLOKO.
Why are there MANLOLOKOs? Humanness; a part of the diversity of human behavior.
Enough, NALOKO NA AKO.
So… I have to move on. I can move on. I will move on. I have no further business minding him or his life.
Hindi ko pa matanggap ang nagyari kasi naniniwala ako na mabuti siya sa akin, na nagmahal siya sa akin ng totoo, na mahal niya ako. Hanggang naniniwala ako doon, hindi ako makakamove on. Tanggapin ko na nag katotohanan na hindi na kailangan ng expalnation kasi naloko na ako, nagsinungaling na. Hindi ka lolokohin ng taong may concern sayo. Matagal ko na ito dapat tinanggap pero parang ngayon ko lang siya narinig. Gagaling na ang sugat ko, makakalaya na ako.n_n
