Sunday, September 26, 2010
1:51 PM
These past few weeks have been hectic, physically and emotionally. I was so happy about the things I had accomplished that produces much-needed self-esteem. I have also been window shopping for potential boyfriends (yeah!) considering my recuperation period. Honestly, I have been enjoying my solitary for some time now which made me think about quite a lot about my life: my mistakes, my blessings and especially, the lessons. But this is not what I want to share for the moment, but the 'specs' of my ideal soon-to-be boyfriend (I'll enjoy this!).
1. He is a THE man. Yup, my stereotype of my man. This is not physical, mind you but the way he carries himself. People around me have the idea that I am attracted to rugged guys (which I think is true). They are so cute because they give you the feeling of security. But of course, most of those guys are attracted to slim sexy girls who needs some kind of protecting (oh crap…). Anyway, I am still allowed to have my ideals, right?
2. He is sensible. It was amazing how two guys talking about the same thing but has totally different effect on me. I have met guys who bored me to death when they talk (or text). It's not really the choice of topic but how the topic is being carried. Pagdadala. There should be spontaneity and fluidity. He can make any topic really interesting.
3. He is in control. I like dominant guys (but not the bossy type). He should be able to show his dominance for me to let down my guard. I have a tendency to intimidate people whom are not able to handle me. I should be able to lean on him in times of needs. But don't get me wrong, he should be also ready to show emotions if he had to. Don’t need that macho man if he'll snap later on because of undisclosed distress (no whiners please!).
4. Finally, he'll let me know or I'll know if its him…n_-. I'm not pretty, not sexy but my soul mate will look pass all of that.
These statements are good for my current state of mind because I may be just missing my ex (not that he posses all 3 characteristics). One of my learning in this experience is that I really don’t have a stable ideal guys I tend to like what I see when I see them. It's all about fate. Perhaps only the last part will remain true all through out: I'll know.
I thank the break-up for letting me discover new aspects of my self which I was missing. I can feel myself now, my individuality, my femininity. I cannot even remember the last time I felt this. Is this the first time?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I Remember
Thursday, October 07, 2010
9:27 PM
I remember the girl, but I cant remember the feelings anymore… Is this familiar? Nah…
I remember the boy and still remember the feeling as if I was living it. I don’t know when will come the time that I could live an hour without him visiting my thoughts. I hate it every time I think about him, anything that is associated with him. Come to think of it, he is not really "the catch" and I know I should've known better to cry over him. People would tell me that he is not really my lost in the end, that many more will come, way better than him. At this point, I can feel that my worth as a woman has come up than before I was with him. The problem with me is that I have equated my with his affection and relationship with me. Any girl should always be guided by their identity and self, not with anyone else.
Well, I hope the best for him. I noticed that the board exam result had came up and I hope that he passed. I know he passed and this will be the start of his uphill climb. He should be able to take life seriously now, and not everything will be easy but he'll manage. He has dreams and the necessary determination to achieve them. I was hoping that I will be the one to share the sweetness of that success but I was found lacking so some other girl is on that position right now. She'll enjoy it.
As for me, I should be able to forgive myself for thinking that I can be the one, that he is the one. I should be able to forgive destiny for wrecking my plans and my dreams. I should be able to forgive myself and let go. Forgive and let go. I have my own struggles and fixing my heart and mind in the past and envying their sweet moments will do me no good. Travel your own path girl and somewhere along that road, you'll find what is right for you, what is meant for you. Live and love. Life goes on.
9:27 PM
I remember the girl, but I cant remember the feelings anymore… Is this familiar? Nah…
I remember the boy and still remember the feeling as if I was living it. I don’t know when will come the time that I could live an hour without him visiting my thoughts. I hate it every time I think about him, anything that is associated with him. Come to think of it, he is not really "the catch" and I know I should've known better to cry over him. People would tell me that he is not really my lost in the end, that many more will come, way better than him. At this point, I can feel that my worth as a woman has come up than before I was with him. The problem with me is that I have equated my with his affection and relationship with me. Any girl should always be guided by their identity and self, not with anyone else.
Well, I hope the best for him. I noticed that the board exam result had came up and I hope that he passed. I know he passed and this will be the start of his uphill climb. He should be able to take life seriously now, and not everything will be easy but he'll manage. He has dreams and the necessary determination to achieve them. I was hoping that I will be the one to share the sweetness of that success but I was found lacking so some other girl is on that position right now. She'll enjoy it.
As for me, I should be able to forgive myself for thinking that I can be the one, that he is the one. I should be able to forgive destiny for wrecking my plans and my dreams. I should be able to forgive myself and let go. Forgive and let go. I have my own struggles and fixing my heart and mind in the past and envying their sweet moments will do me no good. Travel your own path girl and somewhere along that road, you'll find what is right for you, what is meant for you. Live and love. Life goes on.
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