Revisiting "Pagdadala Model"

Saturday, August 28, 2010
9:26 PM

This week has been particularly heavy for me. I found myself one step forward and two steps backwards. My experience of betrayal and hurt continues to hunt me as I fall into episodes of deep sadness and frustration. I was praying hard to accept and heal and a sign was given...

I was attempting to write a paper about a wife's experience on the husband's unfaithfulness. The 'Burden Bearer's Tale (Pagdadala) is perfect in understanding the unique experience of women facing betrayal and infidelity. I am specifically concern on the journey of forgiveness, moving- on and acceptance. Anyway, while trying to put the puzzle pieces together, I know I will have to revisit and rediscover my own experiences. So, I grabbed my sketch pad and started scribbling my thoughts down. I also revisited the book that changed how I look life: Rehab. Luckily, I decided to bring it home along with the books I intend to read: Management by Culture and Filipino Work Values both by FL Jocano. So I read…

" A burden is something we receive. It is given to us and thus accepted by us. We are not passive bearers because we have choices whether to carry a particular burden or not. Once accepted, the act of burden-bearing starts. Since receiving comes with the interaction of destiny and self, the burden-bearer finds it hard to accept the burden if s/he is not prepared for it.

Path should be chosen to achieve a destination. No matter what, a burden should be brought to the destination, otherwise, the burden-bearer fails the journey. Take note, however, that the burden is not static. Things change as it is carried out through the journey. Sometimes, as it changes, the path and destination is affected making the trip difficult. The worst case scenario here is that the burden is not worth carrying anymore, which can be realized by the bearer him/herself or will be pointed out by others. At this point, the bearer fails. The self, burden and destination is conencted."

Bottomline:

When me and my ex decided to accept the burden of being in a relationship four years ago, we embarked on a journey with 'spending the rest of out lives togethe'r as the final destination. But things changed during the journey and we have to drop it. He did it but I didn’t.

The new status of my relationship with my ex was so sudden that I was hardly even prepared for the separation (though we are not formally bf/gf anymore). Since I am not prepared, I can't accept that I am officially single! The burden of the relationship too great that I have postponed some parts of my life to protect my destructed sense of self that has been connected to him.

It's all about dropping the old destination to continue life. It is really my choice on where to go.n_n. My next destination may not be as clear as before but I'm setting short term goals for the moment. As of now, my earliest goal is to finish my mini paper on Pagdadala, aja!

OR…

This could be hormonal. *sigh -_-

I'm hopeful though…n_n