Last Thursday, April 6, 2010, Roy and I finally made our break-up official. At first, I think I can handle it perfectly since I think I have been expecting this to happen anyway. But as days pass realizing that he is not "mine" (sort-off) anymore is a little strange, alien at some point.
Yes, I am hurting deep inside. Others are constantly telling me that its for the best because lots of the features in our relationship are not compatible in the first place(e.g.. Religion). They say that he is not worth it, that I am pretty (?), young and with many opportunities; that I can still find love with other guys. But honestly, its not helping a bit. I just cant help but feel sorry for myself, asking questions, blaming my personality for screwing my love. Perhaps I deserve this. I admit that I am not a good girlfriend, there are times that I think I am really hard on him, giving him pressures on our relationships. I guess its too late to repair things of all the things said and done. What hurt most is the idea that he is happier now that I am gone.
"Ano ba ang lagay ng relasyon natin??"
"ewan ko, hindi ko alam"
"eh kasi ang labo-labo eh. Gusto ko lang na maayos na'tp kung maaayos pa."
Nagpalakad-lakad pabalik-balik. Naiiyak na ako
"ano bang gusto mong malaman?"
"mahal mo pa ba ako?"
"syempre. Hindi naman na mawawala yun."
Ngumiti ako. Relieved.
"pero wag ka sanang magagalit-"
Kinabahan ako
"kasi nitong nakaraang mga buwan, grabe yung pinagdaanan ko. Sumuot ako sa butas ng aspili-"
Aspili, baka karayom?
"aspili, hindi karayom ha. Walang nang butas yon pero ganun yung pinagdaanan ko para lang maka-graduate. Napakarami kong naging problema'
"pero ngayon, ayan, ga-graduate ka na"
"oo, pero ang hirap ng pinagdaanan ko. Siguro kung hindi -----"
Hindi ko na matandaan itong part na ito
"Hindi naman sa binabalewala kita pero, siguro, sabihin na nating makasarili ako pero gusto ko yata munang sarili ko muna ang intindihin ko. Yung wala akong ibang pinoproblema kundi yung sarili ko"
"naiintindihan kita. So ano, maghihiwalay na ba tayo?"
"kung ako lang, mas gusto ko yung ganito"
"so break na nga tayo?"
Hindi ko na matandaan pero feeling ko manhid ako nung time na yun. Para ngang tanggap na tanggap ko nung gabi na yun eh. Hindi ko na mahanap yung pakiramdam ko nung gabi na yun kasi ngayon ko palang nararamdaman na ang sakit sakit pala. Kung ngayon ko nararamdaman yung nararamdamn ko nung gaboi na yun, hidni siguro ako pumayag na maghiwalay kami. Umiyak siguro ako ng sobra sobra, humagulgol, nagmakaawa, nagalit, lahat lahat na.
No comments:
Post a Comment