Today is July 27 and exactly a month ago after the fateful day of the "Enlightenment". Ahahah, I wanna call the day I saw "them" as the day of "Enlightenment". Okay.

I have never been home since then and I am not planning to any sooner now. I don’t know but it has affected me so much that I postponed some parts of myself. First if the part of myself that love driving home and greeting Gabadon with excitement of happiness. This ma be due to the fact that one thing I love being home is his presence there. And now that I really want to move on from him, I cant go back to the place where he is… But I miss my home and my friends told me that he should not be the primary reasons for my life right now. He has caused me lots and lots of trouble and heartaches and still I am letting him get into me by allowing this fear sink into my bones. Actually, I am afraid that I cannot hold myself if ever I'll see him. I am afraid. When can I go home then?

A few good weeks here in my apartment and I know that somehow I gotta face my monster. I'll give myself a few more deep breaths before facing my biggest fear to date. Let's face it, I have to do this sooner or later and I know that I will run into him at least once during the entire course of my lifetime (or his). It's a small world and I will be prepared. And when that day comes, I am prepared, I will smile and greet him with pride. He will see that I am better off than before that somehow I managed to survive and is now a stronger woman…

I am Karen.